Dear Family:
I can’t tell you how many times I’ve been asked the question, “when will my healing process be over?” So often inner healing has been viewed as a process of getting rid of lies and demons, repenting of sin and proclaiming the truth. More and more, I am realizing that the “healing process” looks more like the ministry of reconciliation, both within our own heart as well as with the heart of God. It involves reconnecting parts of our hearts that have carried different perspectives and belief systems due to painful relationships and experiences we had growing up. Jesus refers to this as “binding up the broken-hearted”, from Isaiah 61.
Facing Lies
Early on during our recent Sabbatical, I began to feel like someone reached into my heart, found a stray thread and started unraveling some foundational misperceptions I had about myself. They didn’t line up very well with the great worth and inherent value Jesus ascribes to my life. I was shocked to see how deep-seated these issues were, particularly concerns about what other people thought of me. My left brain, of course, knows without a doubt that I am “Blessed and Highly Favored” without ever having done a thing to deserve it, but my heart struggled to fully comprehend and accept this as my experiential truth.
Allowing Him In
So part of my process involved doing what I have helped so many others do: allowing those hurting parts of my heart that had never known fellowship to be met. Too often our families don’t know what to do with a child’s messy emotions, so the child is left alone to process their own feelings. And being young and immature, this typically results in faulty conclusions about themselves. And those thoughts hurt so much they then wall off that pain.
Reconciliation Heals
Eventually, however, that pain will come up again. Once more a decision will need to be made regarding what to do with those oh-so-uncomfortable feelings. With Jesus, we have a much more life-giving option: not to stay there, wallowing in the mess and despair, but to allow the hurt, anger, discouragement, even hatred to be met, understood and then released to the One who is willing to go to every place our heart goes. Nothing can shock or surprise Him, and nothing will cause Him to reject or be repulsed by you. Nothing.
God’s Kindness leads to Repentance
As I could sense His tender compassion and depth of understanding regarding how I felt, the trauma and intensity of pain released to Him. I got in touch with how very alone I felt in my family, how much I felt I only caused problems and that no one seemed to be “for” me. As I felt Jesus come with unconditional acceptance and infinite kindness, I began to realize I had never been a “problem” for Him. He understood exactly how it felt, in every way. He’s been there. A new truth began displacing that old lie: “If God is for me, who can be against me?” Yes, He was for me, always has been and always will be. I can feel the truth of that Scripture inside my true heart as never before.
How Long?
So my response regarding “How Long” is best answered like this: “How long does it take to come to realize, with your whole heart, that you are just as known, just as valued, just as important to Father God as His own Son is?” It is a truth so good, so unfathomably precious, so able to fill any black hole within, that it will likely take all eternity to continue moving from glory to glory in our understanding of this Perfect, Unconditional Love. But what a grand journey to embark on; let’s all jump aboard, OK? We are in this together, forever!
With much Love,
Susan
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