Men, Husbands and Fathers - Russ Fochler by Russ Fochler

Looking back on my days as a young man, I was vaguely aware of missing something important when it came to relating with women and children. Now, after years of walking with other men through their own disconnects with wives and children, I know I wasn’t the only one. And, I believe this is one reason why so many men avoid marriage and avoid caring for children.

As men, many of us absorbed the message that a “man” shouldn't need help and shouldn't ask for help. So, if we do have a family, we may try to bluff or bluster our way through family issues. Or we may just retreat and try to avoid being involved in meaningful ways with our wives and/or children.
But Jesus offers us a better way.

Isaiah 61 is a life chapter for me. It is about the beautiful work of Jesus. In Luke 4, Jesus reads from Isaiah 61 to publicly announce His ministry. He is bringing good news to the poor, binding up the brokenhearted (all of us in some form or another), declaring freedom for the captives and prisoners. And He gives us a beautiful turban, the oil of gladness, and a mantle of praise. Jesus is establishing us like strong oaks.

And then.....

And then we get to turn around and be part of the healing of Father God’s family. We get to be ministers of reconciliation with Father God. We get to actively repair the ruined cities and the desolations of many generations (Is 61:4 - NKJV). We respond to the New Testament Elijah call to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and hearts of the children to their fathers. (Mal 4:6).

We are empowered (as we ask Father God for help) to stop repeating the destructive, abusive, disconnecting, co-dependent, relationship-crushing ways that have felt like “normal” in our family lines. And to establish a new “normal” of life lived with Jesus.

In my talk last Saturday, I shared clips of Danny Silk’s Your “Normal” talk from his Defining The Relationship series. Until a revelation was given to his wife Sheri in a Sozo, Danny could not see how he was the source of much of the painful dynamics in his marriage. I’ve “been there” myself. While it took Danny and Sheri about 13 ½ years of marriage to see what the issue was, it took me 17 years of marriage to finally acknowledge my destructive behaviors - the ones that I firmly defended as “normal” up until then.

Jesus, we gratefully receive all You provide to heal our hearts and set us free. We embrace this “new normal” of having the capacity with You in us - to love and bless our families. And we join You in the glorious work of restoring the desolations of many generations.

Grateful for being in this family with you,

Russ