Last Saturday night I shared about “Leaning in to Joy”. We honored the Holy Spirit on the eve of Pentecost/Shavuot. And we savored the justice, peace, and joy we have by means of the Holy Spirit.
Then I showed several video clips of Brené Brown talking about how we “armor” ourselves against being “present" when we feel vulnerable.
Brené listed three basic types of “armor” most of us use to a greater or lesser degree: Foreboding joy, perfectionism, and numbing.
Something is foreboding when it is a cue to us something bad is about to happen. Movies and TV shows often use dramatic music to create a sense of foreboding.
Brené made this observation: “When we lose our tolerance for vulnerability, joy becomes foreboding”. This means we pair joy with a foreboding expectation something bad is about to happen.
Brené noted from her research; no other “affect” or emotion feels as vulnerable as joy. For example, watching a sleeping child and becoming aware of how much we love them, how much joy we share with them — feeling great joy and vulnerability together. How often do we then “go” to imagining how we could survive the loss of this one we love more than life? Brené talked about our choice to “soften into joy”, to “lean into joy” instead of imagining the loss of those we experience joy with.
So what do we do when we experience a joyful connection and we’re immediately tempted to imagine/calculate a tragedy around the corner — to try to “beat vulnerability to the punch”? Or when we feel vulnerable, and we’re inclined to find safety through trying to do everything right — so maybe nothing bad will happen? (This is perfectionism). Or when those vulnerable feelings tempt us to “numb-out” on food or TV or shopping or alcohol/drugs or porn or finding something to get offended about?
First, it’s important to become curious about what we’re feeling and where our mind is going. When we realize: “Oh, I guess I’m feeling vulnerable/uncomfortable.” Then we can respond mindfully instead of catastrophizing, striving to be “perfect”, or numbing.
We can receive Bill Hernandez’ encouragement from his talk “Arms of Love in the Night”. Bill shared his experience of asking Father God to hold him when Bill felt vulnerable – and feeling God’s tangible arms around him with comfort and kindness. We can do this too!
Another response is to practice gratitude. Developing a habit of expressing gratitude to God and others in the midst of joy and other vulnerable feelings. Brené shared how surprised she was when she tried this when she found herself catastrophizing about the possibility someone could invade her home and attack her family. Being thankful to God for her family, for the joy and love she felt for them actually shifted the foreboding and fear.
The Apostle Paul talks about this:
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you. Do not quench the Spirit.” 1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 NKJV
“Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus. Philippians 4:4-7 NKJV
There are connections between rejoicing (responding with joy), giving thanks, sharing our needs with God, and the work of the Holy Spirit in us.
Feeling thankful for you.
Russ Fochler |
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