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In early December 2014 I wrote this in my journal:
I always assumed that comfort involved feeling better, or not sad anymore.... As I cried over my sweet baby last night, I felt different. (A few years ago Pete and I were heartbroken over our baby girl Juliet after she died in my womb. I continue to miss her.) I felt safe, cared for, carried, Jesus had me in His arms as I wept and it felt good.
It felt good to cry, to be sad.
In that moment, I knew I was being comforted by my Heavenly Papa and it was OK to be sad, even good to be sad. For me, comfort doesn’t come from “shutting down” a painful emotion - it is simply a knowing that I am not alone, and therefore, it is OK to be right where I am and feel just what I feel.
A couple weeks later Karena spoke about Growing Pains at Blazing Fire. The next day, as I was thinking about it: God gave me a powerful revelation. First He reminded me of something:
New Year's eve 2011 was the first time Pete and I attended any Blazing Fire service. Sean Smith spoke and one of the things he said really stuck with me... he said: "two-thirds of the kingdom can be felt... we know that the kingdom of Heaven is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." I just loved that. I never realized this fact and I absolutely loved that I could feel 2/3 of the kingdom (peace and joy)!
God then began showing me what deep peace and joy in the Holy Spirit looks like... this is what I wrote:
True peace comes as a result of struggle, learning, and suffering. All those hard feelings - once felt, faced, and walked through (with Jesus and ever clinging to Him) lead to a deep peace in the Holy Spirit. A peace that cannot be shaken, cannot be broken because it was born through the process of living life. More living only increases its depth and richness whether that living is hard or easy.
Joy comes much the same way. My joy has increased as I have faced pain, fear and suffering. I have been opening my heart little by little over the last two years. And in those hard, painful moments I often felt alone even though I knew with my mind that God was there. Going back to early December 2014 when I felt the safety, the comfort of God for the first time... in that moment, I felt a joy come over me. All of a sudden, it was so OK to be sad, and right to be sad - and I felt a joy in this confidence! I think the joy also was an assurance that this too will pass. I believe what I experienced was a deep joy in the Holy Spirit after I bravely opened my heart and just cried before Him.
I thought of Karena’s message about growing pains. (see link below *) It is so hard to face painful things and feel all those yucky feelings. But, what is born out of facing that pain is so wonderful. My courage to feel those hard feelings and really allow myself to "feel" as I go through the day is increasing - because I know it will deepen and grow the peace and joy that I have in Holy Spirit.
With that experience of God's comfort, I became more courageous to face emotional pain. I have found on the other end of walking through the hard things... is ever increasing peace and joy. It’s not easy, but it's sooooo worth it!
I always assumed that comfort involved feeling better, or not sad anymore.... As I cried over my sweet baby last night, I felt different. (A few years ago Pete and I were heartbroken over our baby girl Juliet after she died in my womb. I continue to miss her.) I felt safe, cared for, carried, Jesus had me in His arms as I wept and it felt good.
It felt good to cry, to be sad.
In that moment, I knew I was being comforted by my Heavenly Papa and it was OK to be sad, even good to be sad. For me, comfort doesn’t come from “shutting down” a painful emotion - it is simply a knowing that I am not alone, and therefore, it is OK to be right where I am and feel just what I feel.
A couple weeks later Karena spoke about Growing Pains at Blazing Fire. The next day, as I was thinking about it: God gave me a powerful revelation. First He reminded me of something:
New Year's eve 2011 was the first time Pete and I attended any Blazing Fire service. Sean Smith spoke and one of the things he said really stuck with me... he said: "two-thirds of the kingdom can be felt... we know that the kingdom of Heaven is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." I just loved that. I never realized this fact and I absolutely loved that I could feel 2/3 of the kingdom (peace and joy)!
God then began showing me what deep peace and joy in the Holy Spirit looks like... this is what I wrote:
True peace comes as a result of struggle, learning, and suffering. All those hard feelings - once felt, faced, and walked through (with Jesus and ever clinging to Him) lead to a deep peace in the Holy Spirit. A peace that cannot be shaken, cannot be broken because it was born through the process of living life. More living only increases its depth and richness whether that living is hard or easy.
Joy comes much the same way. My joy has increased as I have faced pain, fear and suffering. I have been opening my heart little by little over the last two years. And in those hard, painful moments I often felt alone even though I knew with my mind that God was there. Going back to early December 2014 when I felt the safety, the comfort of God for the first time... in that moment, I felt a joy come over me. All of a sudden, it was so OK to be sad, and right to be sad - and I felt a joy in this confidence! I think the joy also was an assurance that this too will pass. I believe what I experienced was a deep joy in the Holy Spirit after I bravely opened my heart and just cried before Him.
I thought of Karena’s message about growing pains. (see link below *) It is so hard to face painful things and feel all those yucky feelings. But, what is born out of facing that pain is so wonderful. My courage to feel those hard feelings and really allow myself to "feel" as I go through the day is increasing - because I know it will deepen and grow the peace and joy that I have in Holy Spirit.
With that experience of God's comfort, I became more courageous to face emotional pain. I have found on the other end of walking through the hard things... is ever increasing peace and joy. It’s not easy, but it's sooooo worth it!
(Jen oversees Blazing Fire's Pre-School ministry, "Little Royals")
*Karena's Message: http://blazingfire.podbean.com/e/karina-lout-12-13-14/
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