TRUSTING GOD (When You've Tried Everything Else) - by Kat Sionon

I used to believe God blessed me as a reward for something I did right. As I continued to grow and mature in Christ, I realized my expectation of Him was more transactional rather than relational. If something good happened to me, I took it asa nod from God (rhyme unintended). If something bad happened, or I didn’t get what I prayed for, I felt it was my fault, or I blamed God. After repenting, I still held it against myself. Eventually guilt, and disappointment in me, would set in and I hid from God or did every good deed or ministry to make up for it. That was exhausting. God uses life interruptions to force us to be still, and to reveal who He is to us, and for us, when we are at the end of ourselves and feel we have nothing to give Him. When COVID hit in 2019, I checked out and muted the noise in my head (and heart) by watching TV. When I had down times and my phone wasn’t blowing up with calls or texts, the quietness provided the perfect atmosphere for God to enter the room and bring up heavy issues in my heart that had gone unresolved for decades. God comforted me in those moments, pulling me up to see His perspective, and reminded me it was not all up to me to make things happen in my walk with Him. For the first time I got “it” -the message in Galatians 2:20 (Amplified Bible): “I have been crucified with Christ [that is, in Him I have shared His crucifixion]; it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body I live by faith [by adhering to, relying on, and completely trusting] in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.” Since having those encounters with God, I feel more drawn to Him, less condemned by myself, and less bent on paying for my mistakes that Jesus already paid for. We love Him, because He first loved us." (I John 4:19) . Big hug, Kat