I’m sitting in seat 12A on a flight headed to Denver for a long weekend business trip with thoughts going "mach 5" in my head like a bad newsreel that’s on loop. I really hate busyness, honestly. I cry out to God on the plane apologizing for being so busy and get into my usual daily rant of how I want to quit my job, sell my house, sit in a cave somewhere (usually Redding is my default, or sometimes Southeast Asia if I really wanna go “Walter Mitty” on Him) and be with Jesus.
But this morning was a little different. I cried to God and told Him that I was tired and wished I could just be still. I felt far away from Him because I had not “done” anything to get in His presence. In the middle of my crying, this “thing” comes over me. And this sweeet small voice says, “You don’t have to go there. What if I was with you in everything you did? What if you count everything you do as being with Me, because I’m with you… always?" (Matt 28:20)
And then, everything…stopped. No more noise. No more filmstrips of the week’s happenings. And I was brought back to the supernatural grace of God to just be real. I realized in this one instance when I was on the plane, that God doesn’t just all of a sudden change His love or turn it off when I’m not scheduling “formal” quiet times or when I’m on “work mode”.
But then again, neither do I.
I love God. He knows that. If anything, in one quick hour on a plane, not at a 2-day conference, not a 30-day fast (which are both good things, by the way), I realized that my relationship with God has not changed, from His perspective anyways. All the sayings about “if you feel far away from God, it’s because someone moved and it’s not God,” always made me feel guilty but today I realized – I didn’t move. I’m not in sin. I just needed a new way of thinking about His location, and mine. The LORD is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth (Ps 145:18). I am seated with Christ in Heavenly Realms (Eph 2:6). He’s inside of me (Col 1:27).
Because He’s in my heart – He feels the effects of busyness and feeling overworked first, before I do. I just got a revelation that every day I can know He is present – not just when I’m at church but when I am busy too. Most of my prayers the past month have been, “I just want to be with you.” When, in reality, I was.
What if I could enjoy His presence at work? What if I could enjoy His presence wherever? Whenever?
I would love to spend 3 hours daily with the Lord before going to work. That doesn’t always happen. I still want that. But what if I realized that He was with me, and I was with Him, all hours of the day, as much as when I was up all night doing reports or trying to meet deadlines? What if my connectedness with Jesus is based onHis omnipresence (not just in my physical or chronological location, but in my emotional and psychological state) and His love? What if I actually believed what His Word says about Hisfeelings towards me, versus how I feel about it?
In no time, I felt close to God again, and the feelings of guilt were gone. I have been way too hard on myself, which has kept me from entering His presence. I can easily just say, “Thank you,” and receive the gift of grace God has given me to work, play, or to be still, in His presence. His grace removes the barriers of our own hearts so that we can run into His presence without shame or hesitation.
The captain’s just told us that it’s snowing in Denver; and this California girl didn’t dress for the party. Looks like I’ll be going with Jesus to the store to buy a new jacket.
(Katherine is a long-time part of the Blazing Fire family, and even more importantly, Abba-Papa-Yahweh's daughter!)
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