In this honest and transparent account of Tiffany’s own journey, you will discover a bit more of your own story and be invited away from striving and contending into sweet, genuine intimacy.
When the Lover of my soul first called out to me, nothing else mattered being that for the first time in my life someone saw all of me and yet still chose me—a truth I would later learn is the epitome of true intimacy. So, I left my past behind to become His bride. Yes, I was His bride, and He was my one true prize. However, there were those who would contest, failing to forever hold their peace, questioning whether I was worthy of the honor of being the bride to the King of Kings. I was rejected, overlooked, and underestimated, but it didn’t matter because the eyes of my heart were fixated on the Lover of my soul, reminding me that our Father in heaven never doubts what He has ordained and created.
However, like Ruth, I eventually felt like I had to fight to defend my truth. In doing so, I took myself out of the Potter’s hand and chose to put myself on the potter's wheel instead. This meant I was more driven by my call, my gifts, talents, and the expectations of man. I became so busy, consumed with everything—including ministry—that I didn’t realize the enemy was using it as a funnel to drain the oil of our intimacy, dimming the light He placed within me. My Lover's voice started to fade, and I struggled once again to capture His gaze, unable to discern what He was calling me to do. I became double-minded, blinded by loss, betrayed by disappointment, riddled with pain, and wrestling with the spirit of intimidation, causing me to look to man for validation. I was stifled by confusion, and for the first time in my life I found myself fretting with fear of the future.
I had started off running a virtuous race, for God had leveled every mountain and made every crooked path in my life straight. But I was distracted on this journey of faith which had been paved by His grace. It wasn’t because I no longer sought His face, but because something I once possessed was lost along the way. I searched and continued to strive in my works, seeking what was missing. As I looked around, I became grieved because even in the church, what was lost could not be found. Not to criticize, but if we are honest, we might recognize that Jesus Christ, the Lover of our souls, is no longer the prize. Rather our dreams, visions, status, and agendas are now what is being prioritized. For there is a way that seems right to a man when he or she becomes wise in their own eyes. Then we wonder why there is no rest for the flesh, for it is never satisfied.
I grew weary of winning outward battles that testified before man while losing the internal war that was draining my soul. It is said that when you come to the end of yourself, you come to the beginning of God. I had come to the end of myself. I had to admit to myself that I had done many things well, but my Lover had one charge against me, and He was grieved. I had lost my intimacy. I had forgotten my first love—my best friend—the One who, when everyone else doubted me, still chose me. The One who called me when no one knew my name.
I had to go back to where it all began, back to the secret place. I shut myself in, fell on my knees, and cried out in complete humility, craving once again to get back to the rhythm of His heartbeat. I wept and poured my heart out like an endless river before the Lord. I cried out, "Do not turn Your face from me; cast me not from Your presence or take Your Holy Spirit from me." It was in that moment that I felt His arms wrap around me, covering like blooms of morning glories, and I was drawn into an indescribable intimacy. I could feel His banner of love over me, and once again, I witnessed my Savior's true beauty.
God said, "If My bride will humble herself and draw near to Me, I, the Lord your God, will restore in you the oil of intimacy."
The oil sets you apart. The oil speaks. The oil heals, and the oil sets free. The oil stirs, and the oil allows you to come boldly before Me. The teaching anointing is in the oil. Did you know you can’t prophecy of Me without the oil of intimacy. You can’t evangelize without the oil. You can’t pastor My sheep without the oil of intimacy. The apostolic anointing is in the oil. Love is poured endlessly within My oil. My authority stands sound in the oil. Joy and peace flow like a river in the oil. Patience rests in the oil. Kindness and goodness are hidden gems in the oil. Faithfulness is like a sweet fragrance in the oil. Gentleness and self-control are in the oil.
Lay down your crowns. Reflect and return to the Lord. Reconnect with His heartbeat and take up His sword, which is His Word, steeped in His love, drawing us back into intimacy. The Lord says, "Let Me anoint you once again with the oil of intimacy, for in Me, the oil will never cease."
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