When Peter asked Jesus in Matthew 18 how many times he should forgive someone, feeling very generous, he suggested 7 times, Jesus’ response probably dismayed him: not 7, but 7 times 70. Say, what? That doesn’t sound like a nice religious answer. No formula, no quick fix. I believe Jesus was saying that forgiveness can be hard work, is often a process and is not as is simple as reciting a nice prayer and telling ourselves we’re done.
Unforgiveness Hurts our Hearts
Unforgiveness festers, causing bitterness and hardness of heart if we don’t remain mindful to keep short accounts. As Desmond Tutu states in his Book of Forgiveness, pg. 16: “Until we can forgive, we remain locked in our pain and locked out of the possibility of experiencing healing and freedom, locked out of the possibility of being at peace. Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound with chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped.” Yikes, who wants that?
How to Speed up this Process
We value forgiveness because we know it’s the right thing to do. But the wound occurs at a deeper level of the heart than the rational mind can get to. We know there’s something there, but can’t always put our finger on what the problem is. There are three things we can do to help facilitate this process.
Be willing to Own Your Story
This is really big. Ask yourself, “What story am I making up inside my head”? (Brene Brown in her book Rising Strong) How much are you blaming someone and how much are you owning your part? Be willing to question your perspective and any judgment you might have towards someone else, or even yourself. Being able to honestly name and acknowledge the true hurt is incredibly freeing. Our pride wants to be right, but it is good to remember only God sees all things with perfect clarity.
Realize that Something will need to Die
Something will need to die in order to sincerely forgive. This could be your right to be right, a demand for justice, insistence on an explanation or simply to be understood. Unfortunately, those things don’t always happen. Jesus died for us all, and for every hurt done to us; can we accept His gift as payment in full? With my family of origin, I’ve had to die to my expectation that we will have a “normal”, heartfelt conversation. That might never happen, and I’ve had a hard time accepting that reality. For years I’ve prayed and hoped we could have a deeper connection, but I’ve come to the place of acceptance that they may be doing the best they can.
Allow the Kindness of God to touch and melt Your Heart
The kindness of God leads to repentance because as we experience how good, how tender and how loving He really is, His kindness becomes bigger and more tangible than any wrong that has been done to us. We can only do this work with a Love that is bigger than our own ability to love. The amazing thing is He has already invited us into the depths of HIs heart, and everything we need to live a life of abundance and holiness is right there.
May God richly bless you with an ever-increasing and experiential revelation of His grace and His mercy, knowing He has already borne ALL your griefs, sorrows and hurts; He understands, and He is with you and for you, always!
Unforgiveness Hurts our Hearts
Unforgiveness festers, causing bitterness and hardness of heart if we don’t remain mindful to keep short accounts. As Desmond Tutu states in his Book of Forgiveness, pg. 16: “Until we can forgive, we remain locked in our pain and locked out of the possibility of experiencing healing and freedom, locked out of the possibility of being at peace. Without forgiveness, we remain tethered to the person who harmed us. We are bound with chains of bitterness, tied together, trapped.” Yikes, who wants that?
How to Speed up this Process
We value forgiveness because we know it’s the right thing to do. But the wound occurs at a deeper level of the heart than the rational mind can get to. We know there’s something there, but can’t always put our finger on what the problem is. There are three things we can do to help facilitate this process.
Be willing to Own Your Story
This is really big. Ask yourself, “What story am I making up inside my head”? (Brene Brown in her book Rising Strong) How much are you blaming someone and how much are you owning your part? Be willing to question your perspective and any judgment you might have towards someone else, or even yourself. Being able to honestly name and acknowledge the true hurt is incredibly freeing. Our pride wants to be right, but it is good to remember only God sees all things with perfect clarity.
Realize that Something will need to Die
Something will need to die in order to sincerely forgive. This could be your right to be right, a demand for justice, insistence on an explanation or simply to be understood. Unfortunately, those things don’t always happen. Jesus died for us all, and for every hurt done to us; can we accept His gift as payment in full? With my family of origin, I’ve had to die to my expectation that we will have a “normal”, heartfelt conversation. That might never happen, and I’ve had a hard time accepting that reality. For years I’ve prayed and hoped we could have a deeper connection, but I’ve come to the place of acceptance that they may be doing the best they can.
Allow the Kindness of God to touch and melt Your Heart
The kindness of God leads to repentance because as we experience how good, how tender and how loving He really is, His kindness becomes bigger and more tangible than any wrong that has been done to us. We can only do this work with a Love that is bigger than our own ability to love. The amazing thing is He has already invited us into the depths of HIs heart, and everything we need to live a life of abundance and holiness is right there.
May God richly bless you with an ever-increasing and experiential revelation of His grace and His mercy, knowing He has already borne ALL your griefs, sorrows and hurts; He understands, and He is with you and for you, always!
Love,
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