Men, Husbands and Fathers - Russ Fochler by Russ Fochler

Looking back on my days as a young man, I was vaguely aware of missing something important when it came to relating with women and children. Now, after years of walking with other men through their own disconnects with wives and children, I know I wasn’t the only one. And, I believe this is one reason why so many men avoid marriage and avoid caring for children.

As men, many of us absorbed the message that a “man” shouldn't need help and shouldn't ask for help. So, if we do have a family, we may try to bluff or bluster our way through family issues. Or we may just retreat and try to avoid being involved in meaningful ways with our wives and/or children.
But Jesus offers us a better way.

Isaiah 61 is a life chapter for me. It is about the beautiful work of Jesus. In Luke 4, Jesus reads from Isaiah 61 to publicly announce His ministry. He is bringing good news to the poor, binding up the brokenhearted (all of us in some form or another), declaring freedom for the captives and prisoners. And He gives us a beautiful turban, the oil of gladness, and a mantle of praise. Jesus is establishing us like strong oaks.

And then.....

And then we get to turn around and be part of the healing of Father God’s family. We get to be ministers of reconciliation with Father God. We get to actively repair the ruined cities and the desolations of many generations (Is 61:4 - NKJV). We respond to the New Testament Elijah call to turn the hearts of the fathers to their children and hearts of the children to their fathers. (Mal 4:6).

We are empowered (as we ask Father God for help) to stop repeating the destructive, abusive, disconnecting, co-dependent, relationship-crushing ways that have felt like “normal” in our family lines. And to establish a new “normal” of life lived with Jesus.

In my talk last Saturday, I shared clips of Danny Silk’s Your “Normal” talk from his Defining The Relationship series. Until a revelation was given to his wife Sheri in a Sozo, Danny could not see how he was the source of much of the painful dynamics in his marriage. I’ve “been there” myself. While it took Danny and Sheri about 13 ½ years of marriage to see what the issue was, it took me 17 years of marriage to finally acknowledge my destructive behaviors - the ones that I firmly defended as “normal” up until then.

Jesus, we gratefully receive all You provide to heal our hearts and set us free. We embrace this “new normal” of having the capacity with You in us - to love and bless our families. And we join You in the glorious work of restoring the desolations of many generations.

Grateful for being in this family with you,

Russ

Freedom by Misha Quezada - Blazing Fire Overseer Team

Tonight I got home late after a looong day. It was about 11pm and I was very excited to crawl into bed. As I unlock the downstairs door to my dorm hallway I think I see a small bird at the other end of the hall trying to get out. I quickly go back outside and go around the building to open the door. Inside I see a small paper moving around and assume I was tired and obviously am now seeing things, but after almost reaching the door to the staircase I see the little bird flying straight for me! The next 45 minutes are spent frustratingly trying to free the bird. It must have been there for a while because it was having trouble flying for the extent of the hallway. Back and forth it went, letting me at times get close but then quickly hopping or flying away. I eventually used my purse to prop open a door, and got it out the door. Just as I felt victorious and was reaching to close the door, the silly bird turned around and flew back in! About 30 minutes in, I felt God giving me nudges, asking if anything about the situation felt familiar. I watched as the bird went back and forth, struggling as it reached the door, but not being able to get out. I often find myself feeling like that bird. I see where I want to go, or emotionally feel where I want to be. It’s in site, but I keep sensing walls in my way. God is there trying to help me get out, in His loving gentle way, racing in whichever direction I head, opening the door for me. I have trouble trusting that He knows the way; that He isn’t there to sweep me in the wrong direction. I start to head to where He points, but then second guess it and turn in the other direction. Sometimes I even get right to the edge of it, as if standing at the edge of a cliff, ready to take the leap, but my own fears or lies get in the way of seeing the truth. The story has a good ending though….The bird finally made it out! I gently closed the door behind it, thinking it was over but I returned a few minutes later seeing it still hopping around outside the doorway. Sometimes we make it out of our situation, but don’t know what to do next. It’s uncomfortable to step into something new. A bigger, freer world can be intimidating, and we don’t believe we are totally out. God told me to go outside and watch. The bird sat there flying, but returning. Then suddenly I felt my heart leap as I watched it fly high to the top of the building, turn, and fly away toward some trees. God is calling us into breakthrough. He knows what we’ve been longing for, the freedom we desire. It has felt like a struggle for many, feeling like you can’t trust what’s on your heart, like you’re going to be stuck in the place you’re at forever. You may even be mad at yourself, seeing that you had a chance or s moment where you felt out of it, but now you find yourself feeling as though nothing changed, like you’re right back where you are. I hear God saying FREEDOM!!!! The door is wide open, He is standing there, beckoning you out. He is a loving, patient Father, who is willing to stand there for however long it takes. Your wings are ready, the door is open, so turn around and feel the wind beneath your wings!!!

Choosing To Belong by Pastor Brent Lokker

When I was in 8th grade, I wanted to be accepted by the guys on the basketball team.  During lunch period one day early in the school year, I sat down at the table where they were eating and collectively, as one, they got up and left the moment I sat down.  Now that hurt!  Of course, I found other friends to hang out with over the course of the year, but that one stung for a while.  But do you know what’s even worse?  The very next year I was part of a group who did the very same thing in rejecting a boy named Ernie, someone we suddenly thought we were too cool to hang out with.   I’m happy to say that through the miracle of Facebook, I was able to get in touch with Ernie as an adult and ask for his forgiveness, which he readily gave to me, and we caught up on each other’s lives. We all have a deep, deep need to belong, but it’s no wonder with experiences such as these that we’ve all encountered in one way or another we’re a bit gun-shy when it comes to opening up ourselves to others in our relationships.  Will we be accepted or will this be another painful experience to endure? God is the Father of all (Ephesians 3:14-15) and it’s His dream for us as His children to love one another deeply as a family.  He’s not going to change His dream! He first loves and accepts us completely and then gives us the courage to learn how to live that way with each other.  He’s going to help us do this! Let’s face it, genuine love and commitment is risky because it involves opening up our hearts to one another. Yet over time, I have come to the conclusion that the reward of living wholeheartedly with others is totally worth the risk! Living connected to each other in meaningful relationships requires intentionality and commitment.  This is why choosing to belong to a church family is so significant.  It causes us to stick it out with others in a way we wouldn’t have otherwise. Should our Blazing Fire family be the one you want to connect with in order to learn to love others well, please read this description of our Blazing Fire Family Connectionand let us know. http://blazingfire.org/blazing-fire-family-connection (note: this is a new description—different from the Covenant of Belonging we wrote a few months back) If, upon reading the description you choose to embark on this relational adventure with us as part of our family, please let us know by responding to info@blazingfire.org.  Pastor Suzanne is the one who will see your response and pass it along to the elder team. On Saturday, June 13th, the next group of about 25 people will be recognized for their desire to belong to our Blazing Fire family.  Don’t worry—if you’ve wanted to respond, but haven’t done so yet, you haven’t missed the boat!  We will have future Saturday nights when others will do the same.  In other words, there’s a place for you to belong in our family if that’s your desire.  With God’s help, let’s be known for loving each other well!